The Writing Process

I've never really thought about my writing process. Well, I never put any thought into, mainly because no one asks about it. Most people assume that I wake up every morning at 7 A.M., get a coffee at the local overpriced coffee shop then spend my day sitting on a bench with a notebook cleverly eavesdropping on society, finding it's quirks and short comings to fuel my mirror holding jokes and political satires. 

In reality this could not be further from the truth. Sure I wake up at 7 A.M., everyday but that is because I can't sleep later than that for some reason. I don't go to the local overpriced coffee shop, I make my own coffee (out of dirt and my own feces...), and I sure as hell don't sit on benches and eavesdrop (that's rude), I barely even go outside. The real process goes something like this: 

7 A.M.: Become wide awake, turn on TV, watch some television (usually The Office)

8 A.M.: Make a coffee, go back to TV.

9 A.M.- 12 P.M.: Hot Yoga in my living room while still watching The Office. 

12 P.M.: Wallow in self-pity.

1 P.M.: Go for a walk. 

2 P.M.: Sit at my computer and try and write something. 

3 P.M. - 10 P.M.: Get caught up watching The Office.

10 P.M.: Realize I didn't write anything then go to bed. 

12 A.M.: Wake up in a hot sweat and open window.